Tunes To Sip To

Well, I am officially monopolizing the blog by posting four times in a row. But Maureen hasn't found time to blog recently, so she gives me her blessing. And away I go!

I was googling "tea" the other day--as you do--and I came across a blog in which the writer claimed to have an entire playlist devoted to songs about coffee. It's the natural evolution of things, I suppose. We have playlists for driving, for doing homework, for dancing around the living room in our underwear, to amp us up before a night on the town, to sooth our aching heads the next morning, for good moods and bad moods.... So why not songs to get caffeinated to?

I'd been considering making a list of songs about tea (I don't normally think about such things, but when you write a blog about tea it does cross your mind), so it occurred to me that I should probably do some research to see if this noble task had already been attempted. Indeed, it has! (Check out "Coffee Croons & Tea Tunes"). However, the "Tea Tunes" part of the list is sadly short, and in my opinion they kind of cheated by including the same songs performed by different bands. What a travesty!

Clearly, it is my duty as Official Tea Blogger and Enthusiast to compile a new list of Tea Tunes. This is not as easy as it sounds--apparently, tea is not a very sexy thing to sing about (imagine that!). Coffee and cigarettes? Sure. Booze? You betcha. Tea and crumpets? Mmm...not so much. But if I have to skew and misinterpret every song ever written, by gosh, I will compile the most glorious list of tea songs the world has ever seen.

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Top Twenty Fifteen Ten Songs About Tea!

10) "White and Nerdy" -- Weird Al Yankovic

First in my class here at M.I.T.
Got skills, I'm a champion of D&D
MC Escher, that's my favorite MC
Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
That's right--everyone's favorite accordion-playing nerd is also a tea fan! ...I'm not sure that's actually a boon to our image, but the tea-drinking community will take what it can get.


9) "Cup O' Tea" -- Newsboys

Sorry I'm not your cup o' tea
But I don't mind
Yeah, I said I don't mind
At least I know you're thinking about me

Yeah, maybe the song only mentions tea in a metaphorical sense. And it's a Christian rock band, so most likely they're talking about manna in the desert or some such. But I choose to read it as a plea to all those unconverted coffee drinkers out there. Maybe tea is not your drink of choice...maybe the thought of it makes you want to vomit a little in your mouth...maybe you would rather swallow a whole cactus than a cup of chai--but within all that animosity and hatred, weren't you at least thinking about tea? Thaaat's right.


8) "Gee, Officer Krupke" -- Cast of West Side Story

My father is a bastard
My ma's an S.O.B.
My grandpa's always plastered
My grandma pushes tea
Isn't that refreshing? Amidst all this family strife, sweet old granny's still offering around the English Breakfast. What a nice tribute to 1950s America, when families knew how to sit down over a nice, hot cup of tea and really talk to one another. In this day and age when it seems like no one's parents stay together anymore and even dear little sisters are turning into tramps at the tender age of 12, maybe we can all sit down with West Side Story and remember a simpler time--a time of tea-drinking and racial harmony.

(....what's that you say?)

(...."tea" is a nickname for WHAT?)


7) "Pennyroyal Tea" -- Nirvana

Sit and drink pennyroyal tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
Sit and drink pennyroyal tea
I'm anemic royalty
As tea promoters go, Nirvana needed to work a bit on their approach. Pennyroyal, an abortive herb, is not exactly grandma's peppermint tea. Also, the song is kind of depressing. But drugged out or not, we can't knock Kurt Cobain for doing his part to promote our favorite beverage--someone has to steer all those cokeheads in the right direction!


6) "Cups and Cakes" -- Spinal Tap

Cups and cakes
Cups and cakes
Oh what good things mother makes
You've got to take tea, won't you take it with me
What a gay time it will be
Before they began penning such musical gems as "Sex Farm," "Hell Hole" and "Break Like The Wind," England's Loudest Rock Band showed its softer side with this little ditty--an ode to the sweet (and sugary) things in life. Your IQ may drop a few points with each listen, but if you keep a package of chocolate biscuits close by you probably won't notice.


5) "Afternoon Tea" -- The Kinks

I'll drink afternoon tea (afternoon tea)
If you'll take it with me (afternoon tea)
You take as long as you like
'Cause I like you, girl

Leave it to the British. In sheer number of songs about tea (not just mentioning it, but actually ABOUT tea), the Kinks probably deserve an award or something. They also get special mention for using it in the context of a love song...which is, of course, as it should be.


4) "Tea For Two" -- Irving Caesar
(That song you've heard a million times and gets stuck in your head on repeat but you never knew where it came from or any of the lyrics except for "Tea for two and two for tea" and...ARGH! It's so damned annoying!)

Picture you upon my knee
Just tea for two
And two for tea
Just me for you
And you for me alone
Thanks to Ella Fitzgerald, coffee's already the official drink of depression ("My hair is turning grey--All I do is drink black coffee--Since my man's gone away"). It's about time tea took its place as the official drink of love! So fellas, take note: chocolates and wine are so predictable--the REAL key to your girl's heart is a hot cup of tea with lemon. And while it cools, you've got plenty o' time to stare goo-goo-eyed at each other across the table. She'll swoon at your ingenuity. Trust me.


3) "Tea For One" -- Led Zeppelin

How come twenty-four hours, baby, sometimes slip into days?
A minute seems like a lifetime, baby, when I feel this way.

Ok, so the song never actually mentions tea. Which of course means it was too painful to mention--after all, he's clearly pining for another cup! I often feel this way. The hours drag on, my throat gets so parched, my tummy so cold, until--*sob* oh, God!


2) "Tea In The Sahara" -- The Police

My sisters and I
Have the wish before we die....
We have this strange obsession
You have the means in your possession
Tea in the Sahara with you

Funny, this song is not REALLY about drinking tea in the desert...but since when is tea a euphemism for sex? Maybe this needs to enter the common vernacular. It's certainly nicer than much of our current shorthand for doing the deed. For instance: "Would you like to go back to my house and drink tea?" is much more likely to get a positive response than, "Hey baby, let's go to my car and fool around"; "Did you drink tea with that girl?" is less accusatory than, "Did you screw her, you bastard?"; "I saw Johnny and Susie drinking tea in the men's room" sounds less trashy than, "I saw Johnny and Susie humping against a urinal." Learn it, use it, pass it on.


1) "Have A Cuppa Tea" -- The Kinks

Tea in the morning, tea in the evening, tea at suppertime
You get tea when it's raining, tea when it's snowing
Tea when the weather's fine
You get tea as a mid-day stimulant
You get tea with your afternoon tea
For any old ailment or disease
For Chrissake have a cuppa tea

Hallelujah! It's the ultimate ode to tea. Seriously! This song is just so joyous and stupid that you can't help but think, "Gee, a cuppa tea sure sounds nice right about now." Even if you then immediately think, "What the hell am I saying--I hate tea!"--still, the purpose was served. That little seed of doubt will have been planted in your mind, and with each listen that seed will grow, and grow, and grow some more, until eventually it sprouts into a tall, leafy and glorious tea-bearing...plant...thing...of some sort.

And the circle of tea (aka "life") continues.